Going Back! So God Can Be Glorified!
In a discussion with my siblings about my Sunshine Band experience, it was brought to my attention that although I made it appear as though I had control over the situation as an adult I went through the same abusive treatment all over again. As a young teenager I faithfully attended church, but it had to do more with my adoration of my pastor than anything else.
At that tender age, I was not really aware that God had something for me to do. Over the course of time, I decided I was no longer going to be faithful in going to church because of how the pastor treated me.
Gradually I stopped going except on Sundays. According to my mother, as long as I lived in her house I had to go to church on Sunday. That was a given regardless of how old you were. Yet the commitment and passion I once had no longer existed.
More than seven years ago as I was preparing to move back home I had my sights set on attending another church. But God sent me back to the church of my childhood. The first year was a great year. As time passed the same behavior my pastor exhibited towards me when I was a young teenager reared its ugly head.
During the discussion it was pointed out to me that I couldn’t have that much control, if I went back and underwent the same thing. Yes, I did. There was one difference. I understood it. I didn’t like it, but I knew that in order for me to go forward I had to endure through it.
You see, when I was younger I thought I was hurting the pastor, but it caused me to turn away from God as well and go off course of the destiny God had for me. So many things of God was so closely tied to the pastor’s actions that you steered clear of becoming too entrenched in anyone’s church.
I did go through the same thing. This time, my commitment was not to the man, but to God. Sometimes God sends us back for us to overcome some unresolved issues. We may not understand why we have to revisit those unpleasant things of our past, but we do. You see, you will never be able to go forward, if you are not willing to go back and confront the thing that has held you in captivity.
This backward motion that appears to prevent you from moving forward is actually breaking down barriers so you can move confidently in the direction God has for you. It is the past that prevents us from moving into our future. Our past holds us back. It is like a harness that won’t let loose when God has said ready, set, go.
If you never confront the issues of your past they are not really dead issues. They lie in a comatose state, yet they require your attention. Although they appear lifeless, they are not lifeless because they have a grip on you. It is this grip that prevents you from truly living. It is this grip where bitterness deceptively lies causing you to think that you have been healed when in actuality you are simply in a comatose state.
A comatose person cannot experience the fullness of life. They exist, but at the moment they went into a coma they stopped experiencing life to its fullest. Our past can cause us to go into a comatose existence and never realize that we are gripped by the thing that put us in bondage in the first place. It appears as though we are alive when in actuality there is a void that prevents us from experiencing the fullness of life.
Yes, I had to go back to that place of abuse in order to be propelled forward. I could say that it was easy, it was not. Oh, but it was necessary. It is these necessary encounters in our life that propels us from just existing to truly walking in our destiny and fulfilling our purpose. In essence, wake up out of the coma, let go and do more than just live…thrive!
And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand. Ex 4:20 (KJV)
And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands. And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude. Gen 16:9-10 (KJV)
Then after that saith he to his disciples, Let us go into Judaea again. His disciples say unto him, Master, the Jews of late sought to stone thee; and goest thou thither again? John 11:7-8 (KJV)
Father, Sometimes going back where it all started is so necessary. I may not always have clear understanding why I need to go back, but I know that You will reveal it to me. In most instances, it is because I have entered into a comatose state where I’m not truly living just existing; and it is Your desire for me to have an abundant life. In doing so, I can’t fully comprehend how pervasive the bitterness of the incidents permeates my mindset and the decisions I make. Although I appear to have forgotten them, there is the lingering residue that prevents me from moving forward. In going back to confront the incident, I’m actually propelled into a success unimaginable in common hours and You will be glorified. Amen